Wednesday Morning…

I woke up last Wednesday morning around 7:30am to the sound of my sister’s dogs barking. I was staying at my sister’s house in the North of England and had been for a week. Every morning her dogs were up and about by 7:30. They were awake…asking to be fed and wanting to go for their morning walk. Wednesday was no different for them.

Wednesday was different for me. Wednesday morning I woke up knowing my father passed away the night before. I was there with my sisters when he left us…holding his hand and their hands. Wednesday morning was different for me.

I had no idea how I was going to feel…I didn’t really know how I felt. I knew the dogs were barking so it was morning. I knew I needed a coffee. I knew my wife was with me. I knew that someone would be downstairs. I knew I wanted to hug my wife. I knew she was still asleep. I hugged her anyway and held her hand.

I looked at my phone – some habits never change – and read the overnight messages from my children. Calling them the evening before to let them know the news was so hard. I felt better as I read their words…and at the same time more upset…their words to me, about their Granddad, about themselves and about us.

I looked at my email as well. Not to see what was happening…but because I had received so many messages of support from friends and colleagues…reading them just made me feel better.

I thought about my dad. In my father I could recognize who I am and where I have come from. I am so like my father was but I am so different. I have had such different experiences at such a different time. My father was a child during and after the Second World War. I wasn’t. I was brought up by him and my mum – he wasn’t. He loved me. He gave me my work ethic. He gave me my love of family. I loved him. He was important to me.

I thought about my own children. I want to be important to my children. Today and tomorrow…next week and next year….I want to be there for them. To encourage them when they need encouragement; to offer advice if they need advice. To hold their hand when they need a hand to hold. As they grow. As they experience. As they express themselves. As they make their own choices. I want to be part of their lives as my father was part of mine…of theirs…of ours.

I thought about the future. Tomorrow is nearly here. Next week is about to start. Looking back, remembering and reminiscing, celebrating and missing, is so important. But so is looking forward and anticipating everything we are going to do together. I don’t know what the future will hold. But I know the future will be different. We will create our own future together.

I thought about the night before. Vivid memories. Raw even. How peaceful it was at the end. How caring everyone was. How we all knew what was happening but didn’t say anything. Didn’t need to say anything. How we moved closer to my dad. Took his hands and held on.  For him and for each other.

The dogs were still barking. I still needed caffeine. My wife wanted her hand back and needed some tea. I kissed her and told her I love her. I texted my children and told them I love them. I went downstairs. It was a new day. The next day.

A lonelier day.

Cheers

Steve

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About Steve Street

I have worked in R&D within the Pharmaceutical industry for over 29 years. Up until April 2012 all of my career had been with one company, but that has now changed. I left that company and took up a new role on May 1, 2012 - still very much within the Pharmaceutical industry and again based in the UK. I have been blogging every week now for over 9 years but only on an external site since January 2012. Email updates of the blogs can be requested using the ‘follow’ option within Wordpress. The blogs are only ever my personal view of what I see, think and feel. I am delighted if you agree and find value; happy if you disagree with my views and overjoyed if you feel motivated to comment. Most of all I am simply grateful that you read. Cheers Steve
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20 Responses to Wednesday Morning…

  1. Steve, Very sorry to hear about your Dad. No matter how old you are or how rich a life he had, you’ll have a big hole in your life for a long time. Please accept my sincere condolences. – John

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    • Steve Street says:

      John – your message was very helpful for me and I really appreciate you taking the time to reach and write so kind and considerate a message. Take care and thank you again Steve

  2. Robert Besthof says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family.
    What a privilege for you and you sisters to be with him until his very last moment. So painful, yet so important.

  3. Julie Williams says:

    My hearfelt condolences to you and all your family. I am sure your father felt very loved and secure. Take care, Julie

  4. Albert Jaramillo says:

    What an major event, but I lost my father but some time ago. Since then I have seen how he and I are/were different and yet the same. While the time context might change, to your point, genetically speaking; we confronted issues in a very common manner: with a a sense of humor, some optimism and being supported by loved ones – who happen to reflect some of his own characteristics – you will enjoy their presence in your own children.

    • Steve Street says:

      Albert – thank you for taking the time to reach out and write such a thoughtful and helpful message I was very grateful and it helped me a great deal. Take care and thank you again Steve

  5. Marie-Claire Peakman says:

    So very, very sorry, Steve. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, may you bring each other comfort and peace by sharing the memories of him in your lives. M-C

  6. Christine Smith says:

    Steve, So sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Losing a parent is so very sad. Please accept our sincere sympathy. Christine and Wally

    • Steve Street says:

      Christine – thank you so much for reaching out with such a thoughtful message. I really appreciated what you said and you taking the time to write. Take care and thank you again Steve

  7. Graham Burns says:

    Steve, Sorry to hear about your Dad. My regards to you and your family.

  8. Russell, Rachel says:

    Dear Steve,

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It sounds like you have some wonderful memories of him and his role in your life – these that will grow in importance as you look back and remember fondly the good times and everything he taught you. Your emotions may be raw right now, but with time you will be able to look back with fondness without the tears that accompany all those memories right now. Everyone is thinking of you and hopefully you can take strength from this as you come to terms of the loss of someone so very important in your life.

    Take time to look after your needs and those of your family during this difficult time………..

    Rachel

    Rachel Russell
    Medical Operations Director
    Medical Affairs – Internal Medicine, PIH
    rachel.russell@pfizer.com
    Mobile: +44 (0)7767 003872
    http://www.pfizer.com

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  9. Nunzio Sciammetta says:

    Steve – My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Nunzio

  10. jerniganad says:

    Hi Steve,

    I was very sad to hear about your Dad. I’m glad that you were there and that he was surrounded by family and love. My father died this past September, so I feel connected to you as you grieve.

    Best wishes as you move forward and cherish your many memories.

    Ann

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